Here is the text of the famous Book of the Household, thought to have been a lost part of the Bible, but fortunately for us all has been recently brought to light. It seems that translations of the gender used are still under debate, though God's gender is agreed upon. According to some theories, the roles of Man and Woman could have been meant to be used as appropriate.

In the beginning, God created the Household and the Kitchen. And the Household was void, and lacked stuff. And God said, "Let there be stuff," and there was stuff. And God saw that it was good. Then the spirit of God moved across the face of the Kitchen, and dishes appeared therein, and God saw that they were good. And on the second day, God created People, and She placed them in the Household. And on the third day, God saw that the People were hungry, and so She taught them the ways of the Kitchen. And the People ate, but lo, a great crisis existed in the Kitchen. For though the Kitchen fed both Woman and Man, Woman did not clean, and so Man was left to toil without rest, eternally trying to keep ahead of Woman's aftermath in the Kitchen and in the Household. Until one day, Man beseeched God saying, "O God, is it thy will that Man alone shall clean the Kitchen and the Household?" And God answered Man, saying, "I shall have a little talk with Woman."

And God spake unto Woman, saying, "Why dost thou leave the menial tasks to Man and spend thy time goofing off? Dost thou not make thine own mess? Why wilt thou sit on thy butt and leave Man to toil endlessly for thine own benefit?" And Woman answered God, saying, "O God, thou knowest Man has kept us in bondage, forcing us to feed and care for him while we are forgotten. Is it not right to exact justice by making him toil endlessly in the cleaning of our mess?" And God answered, saying, "Woman, thou art not above the pig, thyself. Thou hast an equal propensity for being a slob as does Man, and he is not responsible for thy pigness. Thy pigness is thine own, and thou hast better knock it off and clean up after thyself." But Woman rebuffed, saying, "But God, Man will clean even if we don't, because he cannot stand to live in the mess which we have created. Is it not his calling to clean up after us?" And God said, "Naughty Woman, thou art not only a pig, thou art selfish as well. It is not Man's duty to clean up after thee, and it is evil in My sight to take advantage of Man's superior ability to clean. That you will learn the ways of the clean, I shall set into thy heart and mind My Commandments, that thou wilt know thy place in the Household. It is not thy place to decide upon Man's duty, it is Mine. Keep well these My Commandments, lest thee be plagued forever by broken appliances and big, nasty spiders." And the heavens did tremble, and Woman fell upon her knees, averting her eyes from God's wrath. Then the finger of God reached out and wrote Her Commandments upon the Linoleum...

The Household Commandments

1. Thou shalt clean up thine own mess

2. If thou usest it, thou shalt rinse it and put it in thy dishwasher

3. If thy dishwaser be full, thou shalt run it

4. If thy dishwasher be filled with clean dishes, thou shalt empty it

5. If thy garbage runneth over, thou shalt take it out

6. Thou shalt not leave things lying about for others to pick up after thee

7. Thou shalt not soak unnecessarily

8. Honor thy fellow roommates and do thy share

9. Thou shalt not goof off and avoid thy mess

10. Thou shalt keep these Commandments, or else