These are some things that were lying about in my archives and I decided to share them. They are examples of the kinds of dialogues that go on in theaters all over the world. Dialogues which contribute to techies aging prematurely.

I hope you enjoy them. If you have any you'd like to add, please email me.

So, you want to get this instrument to light.

Well... Assuming that the instrument works, and is plugged in to the extension cord, the cord is plugged into circuit #53, and also assuming that circuit #53 works and is patched into dimmer #12, which hopefully has no blown fuses and is not already overloaded, and also being assured that dimmer #12 is at full with its switch being set to "IND", short for "INDependent", with the Independent and Grand Masters at "10", the proper key being turned on, of course, and also presuming that the extension cord has continuity and that the power station has not been devastated beyond help, with a prayer to the Great Light God(tm) that no one has mucked around with your efforts, futile as they may be, you may rest assured that you have a whopping 50% chance of success in your mission (should you choose to accept it).

Composed Spring, 1986 by Jim Dorman, Don Emerson, and Mark Panther
Western Oregon State College

So, you want to rig and fly this piece of scenery.

Well.... Assuming that the piece will fly, and that it is already on the stage, and that the hardware is not completely shot and is all in the right place, and that the batten you want to use isn't being used to store something else, and that the arbor is not over-weighted so that the batten can be flown in, and that you rmember to load the batten FIRST, and that the idiot loading the arbor gets it right within the first 5 tries, and that once it's all weighted, that it won't foul every piece for 6 lines on either side, you can fly it.

PROVIDING that the ropes & cables are good and that the weights are retained AND that the person working the rail can lift more than 10 pounds without getting a hernia.

If, and only if, all these conditions exist, can you even think about flying your piece (of scenery).

Composed by Jim Dorman